"'Tis the Season..."

Well, where do I begin...this is the season to be thankful and cheery. I have tried to be cheerful...however this year is way different. It is funny how tiny bits of sabotage can ruin your day. Yesterday I ran behind schedule just because it was Christmas Eve day. I had to do all the last minute stuff. I did manage a run with Christy in the am. So the time finally arrives to head to my sister Annies house and we dispense with the festivities. We are already missing a couple of family members from the get go. One is no longer a part of the family due to some not so pleasant circumstances...this is definately a blessing believe me. The other is my dear hubby who just happens to be deployed to Iraq, land of the controversy. So anyhow just about everything that could go wrong has, but nothing is unfixable. I am usually the annoying optimist, but today I am having trouble to get a grip. Tis the season you see...but for all the cheer of Christmas I have been in a slump. My brother who I have always felt as though he was very unselfish and caring about everyone really disappointed me. Half of our family chose to honor the Lord by going to church on the birth of Jesus ( I thought this was why we celebrated??) to honor Him and celebrate His birth together as a family. When we returned a mere 60 minutes later, my brother and his family were gone. Apparently he was offended that we went to CHURCH!! God forbid, did we lose the true meaning of CHRISTmas!! I am flustered. Then do I have yet another shock, my father (who once served the Lord too above all!) asked me "Who's idea was it to go to church?", "Who was the brains or the 'ringleader'? of this operation'??" huh? I said , what do you mean by that? We...I responded as a family decided we would go to church since it was only an hour service. After all, are we not celebrating the birth of Jesus?... What has happended to my family. So the festivities continued. Then my mom proceeds to inform me that she serves the Lord too, but it is ok to give up a service for family, just once. Now I am really shocked. huh? This is my mother who is always the direct connection to God in all her prayer life. Am I in the twilight zone or what...my story isn't nearly done yet...hang on. Louis calls me...he doesnt sound happy. He keeps asking me "Are you still there?", mind you I can hear him like he is next to me , very clearly. This convo...not a fun one mind you turns very painful and it becomes very obvious as to why I hate this holiday this year. This convo eventually leads to tears, mine of course with very caring hugs from my sisters and my sister-in-law (who is incidently getting ready to see her husband, my brother, off to the same God forsaken place). My mom sees my pain and hugs me too and tells me she loves me, I know she does, she always has. My dad however, he didnt even say good-bye to me. I'm sure it was an oversight, but it still hurt. Nobody can truly understand the kind of pain I am in this year( unless you have been through it). So eventually mom and dad leave, Missy and her little ones leave. It is just Josh and Kristina, the Lunns, The Zbyluts and the Billings left to pray for Josh and Louis. The prayers are tearful and sad, I look over and think that my daughter Christy is being disrespectful by laughing during the prayer. I soon found out why she was laughing ....our prayer was just finishing when we hear baby Gracie asking for a drink, she streaks through the prayer circle "NAKED". Everyone breaks down with laughter! It was just what we all needed. God has a sense of humor for sure! So finally around 11 o'clock we decided to head home. I get unloaded and check the mail. What to my wondering eyes should appear...but a court summons for my ticket which I got in JULY for speeding to a FIRE!!! Why Christmas eve?...The girls open their usual gift "pajamas" then off to bed. I slept restlessly and was too busy in my mind. Around 6 oclock my time Louis called me. He was much more pleasant and sounded clear. Then my Sherri proceded to vomit and be sick. Grandma went to bed sick too. Christy was upset because some of her things didnt fit her. And Jess was just hyper. I know it could be worse..I should be greatful for all I have and for my family. I am sorry that I have been such a downer. I try to live my life to think of others but sometimes I just have a pity party. Well, I have had my party and now it is time to move on. Time will continue on , and soon my honey will be home. We will have our shares of trials too. God never gives us more than we can handle....it just feels that way sometimes!!

On the run, oh what fun!!

Today was a cold, a fetching cold. My neighbors are leaving, they are moving to Presque Isle. So I brought their housewarming gift to them. They are great neighbors, they have been so helpful to us. Then we got a mutual aid call from Washburn for a fire. I got to the station and we started out only to be turned around again. Apparently there was just clean up left. So once we got to the station we got a call to respond to the same fire in the ambulance, unsure if there was an occupant. Thankfully there was no one in the house and no loss of life. A good thing. Just get back to the fire station and get another call for Stockholm. We transport the patient to the hospital, then I proceed home for soup and sandwich. I take a power nap then proceed for the 4th time to watch Its a Wonderful Life. I am half way through the movie now when there is another call. I really enjoy my extended family at the fire station. They are a really good bunch and I really look forward to times when I can work with them or just shoot the breeze. They have been a big help while my husband has been deployed to Iraq. Being busy makes the time go by quicker. Today is the first day of winter and only 100 days until Louis comes home. Time marches on. I love my job as an ER nurse and I love my job at the fire station as a firefighter and EMT. I finally found out who I want to be when I grow up....I want to be ME!

Why do plow trucks leave a heap at my driveway edge?

Have you ever wondered why the city plow truck leave a huge mound of snow at the edge of your driveway? Usually you just get done shoveling or snowblowing and you hear the rumble of a very large truck with all its flashing glory tearing down the street with a mission...to plow the road and leave a heap at the end of my driveway. I'm not saying it is intentional or anything, but you would think that by now someone somewhere would have developed an attachment by which they could help you with your driveway, not make it worse. Well I cleaned up the heap with my little shovel and no harm done. The city folks are very dedicated to their job and I don't know too many folks that could hop in to a huge front-end loader and drive it in a straight line at 2 am. I usually go for my run around 4:30 am and they are out in force. Usually half of the plowing is done before I get up. They do a good job, except for of course my heap!

My running paradise...

There is nothing like a run through the empty streets of my small town to totally invigerate the soul. Truly the star-filled sky and the bright full moon leave an impression which far surpasses any tropical paradise. Sometimes life is like that. We sometimes fail to see the forest through the trees. It would be like me running and not noticing the stars, the full moon, the fresh air in my lungs. I would really be missing out. I was skeptical about running at 4:30 in the morning....cold, icy, desolate....but now I look forward and anticipate just how beautiful it will be and how good I will feel afterwards. I went one morning and it was the end of a significant snow storm. We had about 6 inches the afternoon and evening before. The powdery stuff was still falling and the plow trucks were sharing the road with me. I thought maybe I should turn back ...but I am so glad I didn't. I had the opportunity to see refined diamonds poured all over the ground...or so I saw. The sparkle of the new snow, snow that I would first disturb and what beauty in the reflection of light. It was like nothing I have ever seen. With each step I took, the powder illuminated. Running has been my "Prozac" for a few years now. I had dealt with despair and just plain boredom throught the long Northern Maine winters. When my friend introduced me to running about 6 years ago I never knew what a significant role it would play in my life. With my husband deployed to Iraq, three children, a elderly grandmother, and a full time job as a nurse, part time job as a firefighter most people would crack under the pressure. Thanks to my faith in God and my health to be able to run...each day is another survived. I can't say enough about my love for running and all it has meant to me over the past 6 years. I am changed because of it. I lost a large amount of "future cardiac disease risk and diabetes" with 80 lbs to boot....I have since put back on 30. I am not defeated, because about 1 1/2 month ago I re-dedicated my feet to the road...to once again do what I love to do.....To Run!

I am becoming Techno geek...

I just dowloaded spysweeper software on my own computer. Granted I did pay for it, but there is no set price on the feeling of security and knowing that all those other techno geeks out there are trying to either steal my personal information or infect my poor unsuspecting computer with a virus or worse yet, "the unforgivable spyware!!" If you would have asked me what these were just a month ago I would not have had a clue. Now they "spyware/virus" are my enemy. I finally discovered the world of e-bay which in turn helped me discover the underworld of computer scum...spyware producers. I had to go to my happy place to escape the many tears I shed over this spyware. Thanks to a really nice guy at Dell, named Robert I now have computer Saavy. See my husband Louis has always had a calm approach to computers. He sits, he thinks, and somehow the computer senses that and cooperates. For me I sit, I have ADHD by the way, I tap my fingers, I figit and the computer continues on its decline until I would find my self in places "where no man/woman has gone before". Then comes the perverbial question from my hubby "Which button did you hit?" Meanwhile I am like..."nothing, I touched nothing!!" This would go on for awhile until finally I would throw my hands up and surrender to the machine in front of me. Perhaps another day. Well the computer and I have an understanding in the 39th year of my life. All is well in techno world. Perhaps this is one tiny bit of positivity from my husbands deployment. I not only restored the relationships with my three beautiful girls, but I also have a new relationship with my computer and all the other appliances in my home. After all if I can't fix them...who will?

Wonderful December

Today is a typical December day for northern maine. An easy day with flurries drifting in the cold breeze. Jessica is at a basketball game in Houlton today which I opted not to attend. I am one of those sensitive parents who has a hard time to watch my child's self-esteem flushed down the toilet by a coach with a chip on her/his shoulder. Mind you I am expert at this by now because I have watch as my oldest child took her licks. Now I have realized that there are some things which cannot be changed by a parent....even a well-intentioned parent. Right now being a single parent while my better half is deployed to Iraq has been an even more distressing concept. However, I continue to push on and one of the things I had to do in my personal life is to let go. Jessica will be ok, because she belongs to our creator and my savior, Jesus Christ. You see it is like this, you can hurt me, you can hurt my child, but ultimately you must answer to someone, and in this particular case, God. He does not sleep and He continues to renew my strength when I simply feel as though I have run out. He breathes life into me when I feel ...nothing. My mear existence is due to His grace. So I am moving to higher ground and by doing this I needed to step away from the basketball court and away from the thing that tempts me the most...parental intervention. See God corners the market when it comes to parenting...so who am I to argue. I love my girls, I love my husband, and most of all I love God. He allows me to overcome these trial through Him. I just have to merely "let go". God Bless You and keep you, Rita